I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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