Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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