Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
