After last night, I could never be a politician.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
