Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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