fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
