I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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