she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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