He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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