Sponge bath it is.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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