When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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