I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
