Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
