He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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