Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
