bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
