Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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