Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
