I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
