it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
