Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
