we're chasing vodka with high fives
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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