That's intense
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
