I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
