Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
