someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
