nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
