I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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