Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
