Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
