yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
