i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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