Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
