Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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