I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
