My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
