so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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