I seem to have left my pride at pride
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
