We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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