just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
