i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
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