is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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