you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
