tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
