How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
