the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
