if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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