There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
