I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
BRING THE BAGELS
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
