We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
