I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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