my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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