Me too!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
