I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am available for nakedness
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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