come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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