i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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