I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
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Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
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I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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