yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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