He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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