You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
