This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
