youre lurking in front of me
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
