i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
