I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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